home again

It’s probably going to be a multi-entry day – I have a few things to say today.

First, I’m home, though I’d be even happier about that if I weren’t home alone.

The plan was to meet Ted at Schiphol (the Amsterdam airport) for dinner, so we could see each other between my business trip to Japan and his to Taiwan. The thing about Schiphol is that it works very well under nominal conditions but they don’t deal very well with any breakdown in the system as we saw last year. It snowed Friday, and yesterday it was well below freezing, so I knew they’d have lots of issues. My plane left Tokyo an hour late because of the weather at this end, but that was no big deal – I’d warned Ted in advance to check flight times, since he was going to the airport early to be there when I arrived, and I sent him a message before I took off.

I should mention at this point that it wasn’t actually all that much snow – they were predicting 2”. I don’t know what Amsterdam ended up with but it looks like about 4” here in Eindhoven. Because of the cold, it’s dry fluffy snow, no ice.

I got to the airport, and got into the KLM lounge and found Ted, no problem. Then he said, “I have bad news, good news, and bad news.” The trains to Eindhoven seem to be completely shut down today, so he’d driven to the airport, and my only way home was to drive back. Good thing we’d planned the meetup; otherwise he wouldn’t have had the extra time to figure out about the trains, and go get the car. For that matter, if he hadn’t had the trip out, I would have found out about the canceled trains when I bought a ticket and would have been marooned at the airport. And I really doubt there are any vacant hotel rooms there tonight, judging by the long lines at the transfer desk and airline counters.

Thing is, driving home was not in my list of the top hundred things I wanted to do today. For starters, anything requiring alertness after spending 15 hours in planes and airports is not a great idea. It’s about an hour and a half drive in good conditions (which these were at least – last year a Christmas we drove to the airport in snow and it took 6 hours). And I haven’t been sleeping well this trip anyway. But also – I’ve talked about it in bits and pieces here but not that much because it’s embarrassing. For the last couple of years I’ve had some issues with driving. It started with a dizzy spell plus what turned out to be a panic attack (but I didn’t know that at the time – a panic attack can feel very physical!) while I was driving alone on a Taiwan highway. After that I got to feeling on the edge of dizzy any time I was driving; I’m doing ok on local streets I know, now, but I hadn’t driven on highways since getting back from Taiwan – well, once, just for a short distance to an off-site meeting. I’d theorized that the dizziness could be a visual thing – distance vision is degrading again after the LASIK I had a few years ago (I wore glasses most of my life, had LASIK while in Taiwan, but now my distance vision is degrading again. It’s still good and if it wasn’t for the dizziness I’d be safe to drive without glasses, but it isn’t perfect any more. Also, one eye is 1/4 diopter worse than the other and I think that contributes to vertigo. I got glasses last fall and that seems to help, but I still hadn’t driven on highways, mostly out of fear and because I didn’t have to. (As nice as it’s been to not have to wear glasses for a couple of years, I believe that some of the other dizziness I’ve had is also from that. I would probably not have gotten the LASIK if I’d known all this would happen. I don’t blame the doctor, though, because I’ve never heard of anyone else having similar problems, and my eyes have never coordinated together all that well.)

The driving problems are getting to be an issue, though; we did almost 6000 km driving around Spain and France in December, and Ted drove the entire thing. (I did offer to spell him, but he always said he was OK.) Also, if I can’t drive our plans to take a year off and travel in an RV next year become unfeasible. we need to have two functional drivers for a plan like that.

Anyway, yesterday there didn’t seem to be any other good choices. I could have stayed at the airport overnight and tried to take the train today, but it was still forecast to be well below freezing, and if they’re going to stop the trains here any day, Sunday is the most likely day for it. Also, then the car would be at the airport; it would have cost a fortune, since he’d left it in short-term parking, and I’d have had to take the bus to work every day. If I’d moved the car to long-term parking it would have been hard to get the key back to Ted; we’d arranged to meet in the lounge, so he was already behind airport security, and once I got out I wouldn’t be able to get back in. Also, as mentioned above, it would probably have been impossible to get a hotel room at the airport, given all the disruptions, and being marooned in the airport all night would not have put me in any better shape for dealing with issues today.

So I did what I had to do; I believe you can always dig p strength to do what’s necessary. I drove home all by myself. And while I wouldn’t say it was fun, I survived it and my brain more or less behaved the whole way. I was able to talk it out of getting too panicky – literally, that trick Kiwi suggested a while back of keeping up a running monologue really helps. I think it’s because talking regulates my breathing. Once I got all the way home, I patted and both the glasses and the car.

(The saddest part is I never did get that dinner with Ted. It seemed smartest to get on the road right away and get it over with before I got any tireder.)

(The other sad part is that it might actually have been possible to take a train into Amsterdam and then take the train to EIndhoven from there. That one seems to be running.)

Mirrored from Dichroic Reflections.

being right is not the same as being unquestionable

In general, it’s fair to categorize me as a liberal. I’m never thrilled with labels, though, because they oversimplify. I have a slight lean toward libertarianism, because I want the government to quit interfering with my wallet and my life decisions. It’s only a slight lean, though, because I do believe that the government needs to provide a safety net for the members of our society who need one (short or long term); because I appreciate things like defense (when justified!!!), roads and garbage pickup; because the government has a right to make rules about my actions if they could hurt other people; and because I can live with governmental investments in things like space, education and medicine because those investments tend to have a high payback for us as a society.

I’m also uncomfortable with the idea that I must support all causes on “our side” without question, so I can be an uncomfortable ally for some. (I suspect I’d be an even more uncomfortable ally for conservatives, if I were one, but that may be a bit unfair – I do know a number of conservatives who think for themselves and don’t walk a party line.)

All of this background is to say that while I do think the Susan G. Komen foundation acted in bad faith in pulling their money out from Planned Parenthood, I’m not entirely comfortable with the “How dare they even question Planned Parenthood!?!” response I’ve been seeing from those on my side. (Liberal, not liberal, whatever, I do consider supporters of PP as “my side”.)

The investigation on PP, while clearly politically motivated, was due to an accusation that they were using funds earmarked for other services to fund abortions. There have been other similar accusations in the past and some audit findings of overbilling. Some of these were also probably politically motivated, for instance one audit complained when services to pregnant women and counseling visits were billed as “family planning” – I can’t see how they aren’t. Still, it seems like a reasonable thing to be concerned about if you’re given money to an organization and you only support part of their mission. (None of these accusations worry me, anyway, because I support all parts of PP’s mission.)

So the SGK foundation *could* have had legitimate concerns. They could have – but they didn’t, as proved by their actions. First, there should never have been a question, because they should have been keeping track all along. If I were giving around half a million a year to an organization and earmarking it for a particular thing, I’d be expecting an accounting every year. Second, if they did have reason to worry, the next thing should have been the investigation that they were dong an investigation of their own to see how the money was used. Next, if they hadn’t done all that, the thing would be to announce that they were going to transfer their money from PP to some other organization that could supply cancer screenings to poor women. Finally, if they’d totally screwed all that up and didn’t have somewhere else to put the money but felt they couldn’t support PP for one minute longer (not true, since the problem was only that PP was “under investigation”, not that anything was proven), they should have announced that they were in an intense effort to find or set up another way to provide those services, and that they would put the money into it as soon as possible.

They didn’t do any of that, but instead said effectively, “We don’t like you so we’re gonna take our funds and sit on them. Nyeeaaaahhhh!” I think this is the beginning of a very difficult period for the Susan G. Komen foundation, because they’ve lost a lot of trust, and deservedly. No one opposes breast cancer treatment, screening and research; a group truly dedicated to those aims would strive to bring together people in support of those goals, no matter how they disagreed about other issues.

I don’t like the idea that PP is a sacred cow whose motives can’t be questioned. It may even be true that they’ve miscategorized expenses in a few localized cases, based on the audit findings. I’m not too worried about that, because in all the cases I’ve heard of those funds are still going to provide services to women who need them, not to executive salaries or high levels of administration. I think we need to question ourselves and our allies, to prove we can answer those questions and to preserve our right to stand on the high ground. I trust PP to be able to stand up for itself and answer those questions honestly.

The SGK decision has already been reversed, due to the enormous outcry, and I’m proud to have been a part of that. But also, I was waiting until I got home to send my own contribution to PP, and I’ve gone ahead and donated to them anyway. I gave the money to their general fund, not the breast cancer fund, because I believe that all women deserve decent health care and the right to make decisions about their own bodies. I trust PP as my partner in that fight. It’s because I trust them and myself that I think anyone is welcome to ask questions – because we can answer them proudly.

Mirrored from Dichroic Reflections.