the menopausal vampire

[dichroic]

It was just brought to my attention that Arabella Keneally, an early “feminist” (in more or less the way Phyllis Schlafly and Sarah Palin are feminists) wrote a cautionary tale about “the menopausal vampire”. I can’t help but think that would have been far better as a fantasy novel:

The menopausal vampire only sparkles when she damn well feels like it (or sometimes during a hot flash, but those are more like sparks).

The menopausal vampire doesn’t bite young people because she knows they already think they’re immortal. She bites old people, who thank her for it.

The menopausal vampire looks good in black.

The menopausal vampire has a cape with a hood, to combat bad hair days.

The menopausal vampire sometimes bites anyone who crosses her path, because some days are like that.

The menopausal vampire gets day sweats.

The menopausal vampire really wishes she’d been bitten five years earlier or later. She worries that she’ll be like this forever now.

What else?

Mirrored from Dichroic Reflections.

Comments

[oursin]

O, Arabella Keneally - I wouldn't call her a feminist by any measure, except that she qualified in medicine at a time when few women did and was thus a pathbreaker in that respect. She wrote some SRSLY bogglesome stuff in the interwar period, in which she took Mendelian concepts and used them in ways that probably caused small earthquakes in the region of Brno as the good Abbe Gregor turned in his grave, to claim things such as women doing 'masculine' things like playing sports and having careers was using up powers that they should be transmitting to their sons instead. Undoubtedly Dagenham (several stops beyond Barking).

[wordweaverlynn]

The menopausal vampire doesn't bother with a cape. Too hot.

No one has ever called a menopausal vampire an old bat. Not twice, anyway.

The menopausal vampire does not drink ... wine. She alternates between Diet Coke and full-calorie cokehead.

[wordweaverlynn]

The menopausal vampire doesn't take a lot of lip from anybody. She does, however, give a lot of tooth.

The menopausal vampire is glad she's no spring chicken. She'd rather be an October surprise.

The menopausal vampire enjoys biting sarcasm.

The menopausal vampire would make Edward get a job and turn Bella over her knee. And vice versa.

The menopausal vampire knows she's getting long in the tooth, but she likes it that way.